One of the things I try to emphasize through my coaching is the importance of detaching from the outcome and focusing on the process. If the process is felt daunting and boring, or carries feelings of worry or fear, then the outcome will probably not be filled with positivity—or be done well. If the process, on the other hand, becomes an adventure of learning, where you focus on progress and gained skills, then the outcome will correspond to that gained feeling. 

It’s important to keep in mind that like energy attracts like energy and that we are what we believe in. If we believe in happiness, we will also have a grateful feeling because we are in positive mode and we can recognize what is serving us and adding value to our lives. If we come from “ego” we can still feel grateful, but this gratefulness is tied to a corresponding “me moment” that might also be filled with judgments of some kind.

The moment we can detach from ego is the moment we can stop judging—not just others but ourselves too—and enjoy the pure and deeper beauty of things that not everyone is able to see. By liberating ourselves from judgment we can enjoy pure happiness—free with no barriers.

We may be in our 40s or 50s, and we might feel “mature,” but not everyone has the emotional maturity to handle certain life events and circumstances, very especially when you are taken to the edge. We may practice resilience, mental toughness, and emotional intelligence and still be blocked from pursuing our grand plan when we get triggered. New research, reviewed by Harvard Medical School, suggests gratitude can help us when triggered.

In two separate studies, one group of people worked on keeping a gratitude journal and another younger group worked on thanking people who made a difference in their life. Both groups, after their respective practices and workout routines, manifested higher emotional maturity. They also required less visits to the doctor, compared to other observed groups.

“Of course, studies such as this one cannot prove cause and effect. But most of the studies published on this topic support an association between gratitude and an individual's well-being,” Harvard Health Publishing writes.

This research brings to mind when I went through Breast Cancer treatment, and surgeries,  back in 2005. Fifteen years younger with little kids at the time, I was at the very beginning of my life as a mom. I saw my horizon cloudy, then, and I was looking for the rainbow. Gratitude is what gave me perspective that life was not over.

I could also say that at that moment my emotional maturity probably was not my best. It was only by understanding how to navigate and enjoy my journey, by focusing on the process, that I could attract my best outcome. By appreciating every single thing that happened to me, it helped me realize the importance of living a life with meaning and purpose. Since then this is my way of living.

When we feel grateful everything changes. Please understand we can experience gratitude for anything in our life. In the corporate world it can improve productivity through recognition of effort. With divorce, gratitude can help shift the couple to a new horizon or vantage point, one filled with possibilities and engaged energy. With children, adolescents and young adults, gratitude can bring appreciation, faith, humbleness and recognition, among others.

Gratitude is about creating the world in which we want to live. We create this world by framing it—by focusing on the people and things we feel appreciative for. In doing so doing, we become happiness agents in our own lives. Perception, after all, is what will help us move forward to the reality we are looking to create.