As a mother of three young adults, I am totally aware that smartphones are an essential tool nowadays. Our lockdowns, earlier this year, were a reminder that our phones have incredible flexibility. Not only can they help with work and grocery lists, but they can also be used for online classes—to check answers to homework.  

Indeed, our smartphones phones are now an ingrained part of our lives and have become an extension of our brains. They retain so much for us.  Because of our smartphones’ settings, we might even forget the cell number of our kids or our friends! It is so easy when we just have to press their names. However, how dependent on them should we be?

According to a new Rutgers study, published on August 12 in the journal Educational Psychology, students who had higher amounts of homework had lower grades in their exams. Homework, we all know, is about reinforcing what a teacher teaches in the classroom. So what’s going on? A major culprit, in the modern day, seems to be students’ reliance on the Internet for answering questions.

The researchers found that students reported “copying the answers from another source” were quick to forget the answers after doing their homework. Those who benefitted most were those who reported generating their own answers.

I know a study such as this one will make many moms and dads remove smart phones because of the worry of the toll that the devices will take in their kids’ performance. However, in my honest opinion this might not be the solution to this problem of retention and lower performance.

For me the solution of the problem isn’t a “quick fix”—it needs to come from within and it is deeper than what we tend to think. How often do we let the enjoyment of reading a book be replaced by other things? How much are we applauding learning and how much are we recognizing researching and effort—maybe that can be a steppingstone? 

This takes me back to the moments when my kids were in middle school. I do remember the impact on their grades when Facebook and Instagram were en vogue. If I took the smartphones away from them, then Messenger would be on their computers. In the end, as a mom, I do recognize now that what taught them the most and what is teaching us all every day—still today—are the natural consequences of our actions and our desire to accomplish and see results.

There are many things we cannot control, even when placing expectations on them, and that includes what our kids or spouse choose to do. Setting up expectations, in the long run, can create anxiety and, ironically, be toxic for performance.

After our kids have passed a certain age, we can choose a different approach. By instilling independence and honoring their choices we are empowering our kids to be strong and independent as well to do it their own way and to own their decisions and choices. Instead of placing expectations, this agreement is a healthier way to proceed.

When performance comes from an outer mandate—an “I have to” or “I should do”— our kids know it does not come from within them and their level of engagement with the task at hand is low. There is no sense of owning and no heart from their part. Ultimately, we can as parents provide our kids with resources, but it all comes down to their effort and choosing to perform at their best.

We know that technology is there to make our lives simpler and easier, to facilitate communication and to live our everyday life with more productivity—and that is great—but we also have to applaud learning and effort, that way our kids may desire, and choose, to generate the answers to the questions on their own.